Sometimes I wonder if this is really what life is all about. I know there is deeper meaning because I know Christ came and died for my sins and that eternal life with Him will be wonderful. And I know that earth is NOT eternity. However, is my life right now really reduced to keeping children from hurting each other. Stopping battles regarding who is being the meanest. Cleaning up after messes which the kids have already themselves "cleaned". Preparing food which the kids won't like. Cleaning up after a dinner which no one really ate. Washing clothes so they can just get dirty again. Helping with homework so they can go to school and bring home more homework. Sweeping the floor after every meal. Feeding the dog.
Mind you, I'm not really complaining. I realize all these jobs need to be done and that God has called me to do them. Perhaps it is the redundancy. Perhaps it is the seemingly worthless lessons that I end up teaching every day. Perhaps it is the undue pressure I put upon myself to be Mrs. Ingalls, Mrs. Walton, Mrs. Cosby, 2009 Mother of the Year, and work for the first time in 9 years all rolled into one.
I would venture to guess that most moms find themselves feeling this way at some point or many points during their journey of motherhood. Each day is so the same and each day is so different that we can't figure out how to walk straight. With my particular family there are 6 personalities, 6 likes and dislikes, 6 ideas of how to do things, and somehow "Mom" is supposed to mesh them all together into one happy loving family that works well together and enjoys being together. All the while, doing the laundry, and cooking, and cleaning, and homework, and studying each child, and spending time with hubby, and remembering to feed the dog. Poor Dog.
Today I find myself in a battle of heart and mind. In my mind, I know that I am completely incapable of accomplishing any of these tasks on my own. And that is Great! Because, God is and He wants to walk alongside me and enable me to do my work with His power and not my own. In my heart, I feel as though I fail each and every day to meet the needs of my family. There are mismatched socks everywhere. The bathrooms are not really clean. I have raised my voice several times already today because of their fighting and bickering, but I have yet to sit down and try to reach them at heart level to talk about why fighting and bickering is wrong. The uniforms are not clean yet for tomorrow. And I really can't recall the last meal that included vegetables.
So, today's blog is not so much funny, although some may laugh thinking of my kids running all over the house in dirty clothes and mismatched socks yelling meanie head at each other. Today my blog is more of my mind trying to reconcile with my heart and so wanting to just end up in Jesus arms but not sure how to give it all up and still get the clothes clean for tomorrow.
I'll end this blog trusting in the Jesus who came to save me and praising God for his grace and mercy that covers over all my inadequacies and praying that my children will not suffer permanent harm from the lack of vegetables and matching socks.
woj and momofkrit
KT
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2 comments:
hang in there katie! i think you are doing a great job! and as far as i can remember, i have never seen you without a kid that had a smile on their face...that's what matters!
((((hugs)))) I don't have any words of wisdom, my friend, but I can reiterate the beautiful smiles on the faces of your children, and the enormous love that their Mommy shows them. When I see a little girl call her Mommy because she misses her and see the peace on her face as her mommy prays to her and the sacrifice that this same mommy made in coming out in the cold of night to bring her son something he needed to go to sleep and the joy on this boy's face as he got in the bed thanking his mommy for coming to the rescue........They will rise and call you blessed. I already do. Rest in His arms.
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