Ponderings

"But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart."

As a young child I memorized that verse from the book of Luke as part of the Christmas story which we recited every year. I didn't know what pondered meant, but something inside me knew this was a special verse. Obviously only Mary has the experience of pondering the birth of Jesus in her heart, but I believe Mary's example can be applied to all mothers.

Tonight I am nervous, excited, sad, anxious, scared, and well excited. Tomorrow morning my 3rd child will walk through the doors and off to kindergarten. You might think this is no big deal. After all it is the 3rd kid and there is still another one at home. But it is a big deal, a really big deal. I think I could have 15 kids and it wouldn't matter because a mother ponders all these things in her heart. I don't recall the exact time Iain was born, and it is true that I have given the wrong birth date to doctors, but never for a moment have I forgotten the look of his face or the joy in my heart when that sweet boy entered the world and was My Little Boy.

Somehow going through big changes with subsequent kids is actually harder that the first. Why? Because I know now what happens. Fear of the unknown can be really terrible. Sometime fear of the known is worse. My sweet little boy will, I trust, remain my sweet little boy. However, kindergarten has a way of maturing kids. It is a good thing, don't get me wrong. But my little boy is and will be growing up and tonight this mom is pondering all these things.

So what of the other kids? Are they just back to the same old same old? No, I'm pondering them as well. The first week in June is always a scramble to figure out how to live together every day all day. But the night before school starts in August my mind and my heart are always in a scramble to figure out how to let them go again. Each year they develop more independence. Each year they learn new things, sometimes more than you are ready for them to know! And a mom ponders all these things in her heart.

I never knew my heart was so big. I never knew I could love this much. I never knew that loving this much sometimes hurts and I never understood till I became a Mom the importance of Pondering all these things in my heart.

Weepy Mom,
KT